Even though I know that there are many people who love me, on whom I can count and who are willing to listen to me, I believe that there are certain things that can only be conquered in prayer, fasting and secrecy, me alone before God.
I often wondered why this feeling of loneliness in the face of trials knocked me off my feet so much, but I think I understood. Apart from my problems of trusting others due to my past, which I really wish to be healed from through therapy, I feel deep down that I want others to do the work for me, that it is them who'll set me free. But only Jesus can and wants to set me free, although He can use all means because He is Sovereign.
« This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind, who makes the flesh his strength and turns his heart from the Lord » - Jeremiah 17:5
I have meditated on this verse over and over again. Are we not called to bear each other’s burdens? Lean on our brothers and sisters?
I think we are. But the human heart is not the kind to do in half measure and it is very easy to believe that it is these brothers and sisters, the meetings, or the therapy that will fundamentally give us the respite and rest that only God has already given us through the Cross, and that we only have to seize.
When we are sick, we take medicine to be healed, and it is God who acts through them in our body. It would never occur to us to put our tablets on a pedestal. That is all too often what I do with my support system. Of course we are called to ask for help from professionals or trained people, if we need it, we're called to support each other, to take care of each other, but the only Deliverer is God. Our heart is too quick to turn away from Him and to place our deep hope in visible things and persons.
Everything is temporary, things, people, problems, pains and situations. Only God is Eternal.
All battles are already victorious if we are in Christ. Everything is already done... I will not find my peace in my entourage. They are an enormous blessing and an undeserved help, so I cannot take advantage of them or place crushing hopes on their shoulders, when only God can give me what I need. Everything has already been fulfilled, liberation and victory can only be found in faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus knows all too well the pain of being alone in the face of trial, Him who faced in our place, alone on the Cross, the just divine punishment that our countless sins deserved.
« My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. » - Psalm 73:26
I received at a weekly meeting of my group of young Christians that the rest of Christ is put at our disposal by faith. Simply seize it, and it takes no effort, just as lying in bed takes no physical effort. But it is a constant struggle to be at rest, because I always want to do my best by my own efforts, and it is very hurtful when I see that everything I do repeatedly fails. However, God sees me. He awaits my surrender to Him. He wants me to curl up in his arms, to listen to his tender voice in the Word and to look forward, having faith and confidence that we are moving towards the right path, because the One who created me knows me and loves me. He will guide me to what will heal me and He will act powerfully through His saving hand to deliver me from my struggles that I have let wear me out for far too long.
« He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, freely give us all things? » - Romans 8:32
Commenti